To quote Melissa McCarthy’s character, Amy, in Spy: “All I know is I’m not doing it again. It isn’t about casual. It’s about unsafe. I don’t want to find out where I stand on accidental.” But I also think there’s reason to be wary.
Watching my family discuss casual sex — “It happens all the time,” “It’s the new way to meet people,” and the “It’s an expression of our freedom” — I was sometimes unsettled. What did my own sex-positive upbringing amount to? Talking about sex being a fun, safe, and healthy thing? All of which are true? I was grateful to finally leave middle school!
7. They don’t offer protection
“People buy condoms like they’re going out of style,” says David LaMont, Planned Parenthood’s director of sexual and reproductive health and rights and author of Real Love: A History. “I know a lot of my colleagues have had to beg people to not use condoms because it’s not part of the default mindset to want to be safe.”
Most condoms are manufactured in China and are produced as cheaply as possible, so the materials and design can vary. Conventional ones are made from sheaths of latex, with no built-in lubrication. There are condoms made from other materials, such as different types of rubber, latex, or nitrile that have special features designed to keep things lubed up, but they’re rare. A study in 2009 found that of the products they tested, only about 8 percent had satisfactory lubrication.
Condoms don’t always fit well or feel good during use — especially the super popular No. 10s, which require a user to fit both their hands inside the narrow condom pouch. Just like anything that works to protect from a more serious risk — like a hospital and surgery masks — a poorly fitting condom can be dangerous. And it’s hard to get it to fit in the first place. “A condom that’s designed for performance can actually be difficult to put on,” says Kelly Brownell, clinical professor of psychology and psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine.
8. The stigma around condoms might keep them out of the picture.
There’s this incredibly “sexy” thing that people seem to think condoms should be — glamorous, Glamour-type materials, like special purpose rubber, foil, or ribbons. It actually places more emphasis on the condom as a performance enhancer than as a defense against pregnancy or disease, says
skip the games merced
Having casual sex can seem great when it comes to the benefit — casual sex has been increasingly normalized since the ’70s, and no longer seen as a deviation from the norm. According to a study by the Kinsey Institute, a third of women and a quarter of men have had sex outside of a committed relationship. And so with the rise of sex-positive movements like the 1960s-era “sexual revolution,” casual sex has become something everyone can do. After all, when you’re a committed couple, things tend to get stale, predictable, and eventually, boring. Our friend and sex life contributor Matt Christopher once told us, “It’s like playing the same game every day with the same top-ranked college basketball team — you eventually get bored.” And even if there was a possibility of cheating, a committed partner helps maintain positive emotional and physical relationships that can end up being more enjoyable. However, casual sex can be harmful, including when it comes to certain STDs. More casual sex means there are more holes to fill, so you need to be more careful in picking who to sleep with. And it’s also usually geared towards short-term sexual gratification as opposed to emotional or romantic attractions (beyond the immediate physical attraction), so your relationship could become almost completely superficial. Plus, casual sex doesn’t always tend to require communication. That’s true for both the men and the women — especially if you’re talking about hooking up with someone you’ve never met (and have not met up with before). But a lack of communication can make the initial hookup more confusing and complicated. How do I make the most of a casual hookup? You can’t really plan a casual hookup the way you would a dinner date — you have no idea who the person is or what they’re looking for. You just have to take advantage of the fact that sex is happening, and that you can potentially do it with someone you just met. Remember that hookup culture is a two-way street. That means, even if you aren’t entirely interested in the person you’re with, you need to make yourself as sexually available as possible. Because no matter what the genders’ tastes are, they’re usually complementary in that way. And if you’re going to have casual sex, it’s best to plan ahead, because
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