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the downtown underwear association (dua) has been in a state of disarray for some time. the recent death of klaus, dua president, has pulled the remaining members into the vacuum, leaving some bewildering holes in the organization’s structure.
the dua is dedicated to the preservation and promotion of the worldwide art form known as g-string display. one of its greatest achievements, the lusty lady, was the creation of an international society of women whose sole goal in life is the production of pornographic lingerie. although the lusty lady had many shining moments, it ultimately fizzled when averick storm (his actual name), president of the dua, sent untalented, unfriendly filmmakers from los angeles to kansas city to make a porn movie of the group.
the lusty lady is now dormant; for many years it had no leader and no books or journals to publish. the board of directors found some consensus on a website (duaindy.com, a work in progress) and announced that it would seek a new leader. the current numbers-crunchers at www.duaindy.com believe it will take four years at least for someone to fill klaus’ shoes.
upon reflection, it may be time to return the organization to its original purposes. in the 1940s the dua raised money to help the world war ii soldiers who had been wounded on the battlefield. these funds were used to get them on their feet and send them home. in conclusion, it is the committee’s opinion that there are many ways in which the dua can continue its service to the community. first, it should strongly encourage the families of deceased dodgeball warriors to seize the opportunity to cash in on the multi-billion-dollar lottery fortune; second, it should strongly encourage people to develop less-obvious talents, such as archery, needlepoint, and origami.
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